be not nobody

so i woke up to barney on my tv this morning..weird. he creeps me out!

snowday for all. i didnt get to have my appointment to set up my classes and i start on thursday. i will just have to call tomorrow morning.

this is a new year for me with many possibilities. i want the snow to go away but thats not in my hands. im sick of being cold. im 19, but feel the same. my last year of being a teenager and i kind of want to grow up.

ive been thinking a lot about my major and what to pick and i might actually go into massage therapy. i would love to have my own shop, by myself. candles, low lights, "yoga" music, serene setting. what else could a girl ask for :) im telling you, possibilities!

http://www.hackyourself.org/

yes so i like this entry also. reminds me what has been running through my mind lately and makes me pumped for life.

what doesnt make me pumped is work tonight from 5-11

fuck emotions nigga.

there is a light in your eyes..

im trying to make it through another night. its just off for me. i feel like im falling through an empty pit and i wanna see the light at the end of the tunnel. i see the snow sparkle and the sun hit off of it and i reach for hope like a dangling star in my reach.

the mall is dead this year, is it because of online shopping? or are people just not in the giving mood? who knows. it gives me more time to clean up the place.

me and tom cut down out first tree together this year in NH :)

self esteem is fading. something pick me up.

so i've decided that im okay with myself, at least for now. angela painted my nails pink and now i feel like the icing on top of the cake. all decorated for when i see people. ive kind of let myself go. pjs constantly. i dont remember the last time i wore makeup (excluding blush and chapstick). im always in a sweatshirt. how convenient. i guess thats what happens when youre in a relationship for almost 2 years (on feb. 6 <3) sleeping is another problem. once i can't do it and now i can almost live to sleep. how convenient.

we need more of this soon! im going to cry.

it's 1:24 and im still yet awake. i need to throw away this tv, or better yet have self control because i cant seem to shut it off without missing a single second of brown sugar and hgtv. someone please help me.

i have an interview tomorrow at kohl's, wish me luck. its a group interview, never had one of those before. im wishing for the best. i need out of my current job.

these jewelry commercials get me everytime. reminds me of love with tom and christmas with gifts. its genuine in a medial kind of way.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone =)

looking back and how i felt today, work made me think about a lot. the flat tire really set my day off wrong. but in the end, im thankful to have a boyfriend who will come change it for me :) heather came in and visited me today! i was so excited to see her since i haven't in about 5 months. she's doing well and im happy. this cold needs to go away soon! tomorrow i need to wake up at 7 to go to montouris with my dad and get snow tires on my car. i also still need gas and pick up my prescription. i have class at 1 and hopefully getting out early so i can go to the gym at 3. i have tommy's banquet at 7 so i need to be at his house for 6. what a busy day!

im hungry too.

so i just opened my shade and the first thing i see is a big beautiful tree with yellow leaves. foliage foliage foliage! i love it! i wish it was here all year around, except for winter because i love when the snow lingers on the trees branches.

i feel horrible for my friend, no names, right now because she is carrying a baby and things are going to be, lets just say, TOUGH, when she comes. theres nothing i can do and i feel bad. aren't friends supposed to help with these things? i guess you can't be superman and fix everyones problems in their life though. then we forget about our problems. we can only help so much. i will pray hard.

i have a headache, what else is new.

so im sickly right now and i think part of it is not eating right lately. everything has fallen apart with me personally.
to name a few:
1. nutrition
2. exercise
3. finding my major
4. organization skills
5. SLEEP!
6. money

everything else in my life is very good. God has helped me a lot. i went to church today and thought to myself, am I a good enough christian? but what is a good enough christian? i don't think there is one, but i know theres things i need to improve on. i need to start reading the Bible more, lying to myself, and talking/praying to God.

my list of things to do is becoming a real book. my grandpa needs to be visited soon. maybe i will decorate his home. i don't like to say grave because that sounds too harsh in my mind.

oh, and i am on E in my car right now. not good.

=) welcome to my life.

so yeah i need a new job. i hate my hair cut. okay stop with the pessimistic attidude!
today on my agenda i will be taking a final. theyre going good. i love them accelerated classes! don't regret that at all.

is it just me or do all the clothes for fall suck this year. can't find any. i'll just go around naked i guess.

wedding is in a couple days. ring a ding ding to my aunt and soon to be uncle =)
oh and im doing the blessing. i feel so, blessed.

i have the next 3 days off! its sucks because no one uses this thing anymore. so i get no comments.
rain go away!
today i see sam. happy to see her, havent in like a year!
im getting a new job because the one i have sucks ass. too boring and the boss is just ehh.
i should probably finish reading my book that i started awhile ago. oh and maybe go to barnes and noble to see what they have on sale.
i see leaves on the ground and it reminds me of fall, its coming soon i know it.

my past is no longer lingering onto my shoulders, grabbing me every second of life like before. as for my future, there will be some bumpy roads because, well, life is just that way. but it seems really clear for the most part, but thank God it's hopeful!

I am done high school. everyone knew that though.

the good news is i might get a job at Leominster Hospital at the desk. not sure if it will be the front or not. most likely. i need some money, and thank God it will not be with food.

until then i will try to keep myself busy by reading or just anything.

this weekend made me see how much i love tom. we are more in love than i have ever thought anyone could be. its amazing how tough situations can make you stronger. ♥ :)

it was nice to finally go up to NH. it was so much fun. me sarah and justine spending $45.00 on junk food and getting bitten by the bugs like crazy was also a plus. poor anthony, getting cranky all the time. hes going through the terrible 2 stage.

my high school years are finally coming to an end. this friday will be the last bit and i am off on my own, away from drama! well highschool drama that is. i will be going to the mount and staying at home so at least i will only be in classes. not much drama there.

dang, i need to take my medication. can't forget!

im loving all my new shirts :)
shopping is the best.
i wonder what the weather is supposed to be like tomorrow...
...79 and sunny!
totally going tanning.

now its time to unpack my bag, and get ready for bed.

so right now i feel like going outside and eating a sandwich or pasta alfredo with some fruit and a juice. i would wash my car but i can't move it right now because my mom will get mad if i move it with out her - i only have my permit. so there for i will just do it this weekend, oh wait no im going to new hampshire.

ew, i just found a 5 day old bottle of sunkist in my room. not gross at all!

so graduation rehearsal was a bust because even though we sang the alma marter well, everyone except for a good few complained about how lazy our class song is. and what does it have to do with graduation? um, just about everything. some people's comprehension levels are just too low to read between the lines on some things. aggrivating! hopefully the drama will slowly but surely DIE DOWN because we are so out of highschool tomorrow. it needs to stop.

i think writing in here everyday from now on is completely an amazing idea. i need to vent some emotions here and there :)

001: Real Name - Jessica

002. Nickname - Jess, Mess

003. Color socks - brown

005. Male or Female - Female

006. Middle School - memorial then St. Joe's

007. Favorite Color- yellow

008. How many buddies on your aim? 41

009. Screen name - meloverrryou

010. Hair Color - reddish brown

011. long or short - long

012. Race - caucasian

013. High school- FHS

014. Eye Color - blue

015. Are you a health freak - not with eating

016. Height -5'4

017. Do you have a crush on some1 - yes, my boyfriend

018. Do you like yourself - yeah

020. Think you're awesome - im neutral

021. Piercings - my ears

022. Tattoos - none

023. Righty or Lefty- Righty

024. Surgery - none

025. First piercing – ears.

026. First best friend - danielle

027. First Award - spelling bee

028. First Sport You Joined - soccer

029. First pet - fish

030. First vacation – cape

031. First Concert - dreamstreet

032. First love- james


___Currently___


049. Eating - soup

050. I'm drinking - lemonade
052. I'm about to - answer this question
053. Listening too - me typing

055. Waiting For - tom to stop working on his car
057. Wearing - sweatshirt, shirt, jeans, socks

___Your Future__


058. Want Kids? - when im married, yes

059. Want to Get Married? - yes

060. Careers in Mind - not sure
__Which is better with the preferred sex?__


068. Lips or Eyes? - eyes
Hugs or Kisses - hugs

070. Shorter or Taller – taller

072. Romantic, Spontaneous - romantic
073. Nice Stomach or Nice Arms - arms
074. Sensitive or Loud - in between
075. Hook-up or Relationship - relationship.


___Have you ever___


078. Kissed a Stranger - ya
079. Drank bubbles - no

080. Lost glasses/contacts - no

081. Ran Away From home - when i was 5, down the street

082. Broken any bones - nope

084. Broken Someone's Heart - yeah.

086. Turned Someone Down – yeah

087. Cried When Someone Died - yes

088. Cried at school – yes


___Do You Believe In___


089. Yourself - sometimes

090. Miracles - yes

091. Love at first sight - no

094. Magic - sometimes

095. Heaven - yes

096. Santa Clause - no

097. Sex on the first date - no

098. Kissing on the First Date - um not sure

099. Angels - yes


___Answer Truthfully___


100. Is There one or more people You Want To be with ? no

101. Do you love anyone right now? yes